


look at me, i'm a speck of sand

by cursebreakker



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Ben Solo Doesn't Turn to the Dark Side, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Universe, Canonical Age Difference, Coming of Age, F/M, Feral Rey (Star Wars), Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Dyad (Star Wars), Friendship, Gray Jedi Ben Solo, Injury, No Underage Sex, Platonic Relationships, Teen Crush, Unrequited Crush, no beta we die like men, past self-harm, slow burn because of the age difference
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-15 15:27:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29438262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cursebreakker/pseuds/cursebreakker
Summary: written for #reylovalentines2021Ben had dreams about a girl calling out to him, when his uncle betrays him and he finds himself with nowhere to go he decides to find the girl whose loneliness matches his own.(a story where Ben Solo doesn't become Kylo Ren)
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 26
Kudos: 81
Collections: Reylo Valentine’s 2021





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hello everyone 🖐🏻
> 
> the characters have a canonical age difference (10 years, which means Ben is 23 and Rey is 13 when this starts) and this story is not exactly a love story but what i imagine would have happened if Ben had gone to Rey instead of Snoke. my headcanon is that they'd find shelter in each other and with time their friendship would grow from platonic to something else (: 
> 
> PS: this will probably never get an E rating, but it may get a T or M rating if I choose to explore more of this story. 
> 
> PS2: the prompt i claimed from @proporgo's organized art + fic collection can be found on the end notes.

There was a girl in his dreams. She was small, squalid and almost always asked for him to come back when she wasn't bawling her eyes out. He'd ask where and she'd just repeat herself over and over. 

At this point, he wasn't sure if she was a figment of his imagination or real. But since he'd been having strange dreams about a man and hearing voices inside his head, he figured it might be just another one. He was used to them by now. 

It made him jumpy though, and irritable. More than once he'd got into fights with students at the Jedi Temple, he always won but the victory felt hollow when his uncle would reprimand him and the other students would continue to antagonize him. Sometimes it felt like too much to handle. 

He started to listen to the voice in his head more, give in to some temptations...allow the dark side of the Force to brush against his consciousness more than once when he was meditating. He felt no fear. The dark side lived in his blood, it was one of the many legacies he carried. 

And the girl would still live in his dreams, she cried a lot. He'd watch from a certain distance, not able to make out her surroundings except for the metal wall with many tally marks engraved into it. More than once he'd wondered if she was a prisoner, counting down the days to her release, or if she was counting something else. 

Whenever they met, he felt profound sadness and loneliness. A kindred spirit or maybe a conjuring of his own making. But whenever he saw her in his dreams, he slept better. She staved off the nightmares, even if she cried or stared at the wall for most of their encounters. "Come back to me," she'd whisper. 

_Back where?_ He wanted to ask. Had asked once, but received no response. It didn't seem like she saw him back or heard his words. 

One day he had fought with some other students, they'd been goading him all week and finally managed to spark his ire. He'd pulled out his lightsaber and dueled them, besting each single one. Somewhere along the fight, he tapped into the dark side and felt power unlike no other coursing through his veins. The moment he realized it, that he had been using and enjoying the feel of darkness against his consciousness, he turned off his weapon and ran back to the hut where he slept. 

The overpowering force of the dark side threatened to pull him under, that voice inside his head seemed to cackle from somewhere in the distance. The students goading him had been a test and he'd failed miserably, or maybe succeeded depending on which side he analyzed it from. To the eyes of his uncle, a light sider through and through, he had allowed corruption and evilness to poison his heart; to whatever dark creature who appeared to preen from the shadows, he'd given into his true self. Vader's blood, born to be a fearsome dark sider. 

Feeling tired and more than just a little disappointed in himself, he went to bed early. Disposing himself of his robes, he slipped under the cotton blanket and rested his head on the pillow. 

His sleep was fitful, there were dark forces acting in the background...thirsty for power, eager to get him on board. He felt cold all over, his breath condensed in front of him in this bottomless dreamscape he'd found himself in. 

_Soon_ ...that sinister voice said into the void, sending a thrill down his spine. _I sense darkness rising in you, Young Solo, and there's no stopping it._

Before he could answer, before he could deny it and tell that voice to stick it where the sun doesn't shine, something awoke him, a disturbance in the Force. His eyes shot open, taking in the hut's wood boards before feeling an ominous presence at his back. 

He turned, seeing his uncle standing over him with the green light of his 'saber buzzing in the space between their bodies. It was like time froze for a second, he could feel the heat from the weapon on his face and see the resolution in his Master's eyes. 

Uncle Luke was ready to use that lightsaber, and he would die not knowing what he did to deserve it. He felt a presence of darkness in his uncle's Force signature, cementing his decision. His instinct of self preservation kicked in, he extended one hand and called his own weapon. It came flying from the table where it sat, tipping over some of his inks and pens used for calligraphy. 

"Ben, no!" Luke Skywalker shouted before their blades connected. 

He pushed against his former Master's blade, blue and green competing for dominance. But deep down he knew there was no chance of him beating the legendary Jedi, if he wanted to keep his life he'd need to be craftier. An idea came to mind, he shot out a hand and pulled the wooden slabs that made up the hut down, they hit his uncle on their trajectory to the ground. 

There was no time to think about what he'd done and what that meant, his instincts pushed his legs forward and soon he was running toward the hangar where some ships were kept. From the distance, he saw lightning hit the Jedi Temple and for some moments it was silent before the sound of thunder rolled in. Fire erupted inside the Temple, he spared no thought to the students who had made his life hell. They'd manage on their own, he was sure of it.

He scouted the place for a good ship, fast and nondescript. Common enough to not be traced, which reminded him he'd need to get rid of the tracking device all these ships had imbued on their systems for safety measure. But he'd think about that later, the priority at the moment was getting out of there. Plus, ships can't be tracked while in hyperspace, which was going to happen inevitably since he had no intention of staying on this side of the galaxy. 

The farther he could get from Skywalker, the better. 

He jumped into the ship, punched the control buttons to get it to work and sped into space. He tried not to look back, but ended up watching the flames consume the Temple while the ship rose higher and higher. The pain in his chest was a mix of betrayal, hurt and anger all mixed together. 

There was nowhere to go. 

___

After some time in the hyperspace he decided there was no way he could go to his mother. He had crumbled a wooden hut over her brother's head and probably caused the lightning that lit the Jedi Temple on fire with his unbalanced Force powers. He was aware that was a dark sider ability, but his emotions had been in such a state that he might have caused that explosion without even meaning to...the other possibility was that there was someone else behind it, but he wouldn't put the blame of his mistakes on incorporeal voices that lived inside his head. 

He was apparently well on his way to becoming the monster his family had feared he would become.

When his mother sent him away, he'd overheard her talking to her brother; how worried she was for him and his affinity to the dark side of the Force. How easily he seemed to tap into it.

All his life he'd pulled back his punches, walked a fine line trying to steer away from that beckoning darkness that seemed to sing to him. He'd ignored the voices in his head claiming they could bring him greatness and glory and unlimited power if only he dared cross the line to _their_ side. The only one he'd not ignored...the only scenario that felt comforting in an odd way was that girl.

She was alone wherever she was, begging him to come back. Maybe she'd been a product of his own very imaginative mind, or perhaps she was truly someone just as lonely and sad as he was. A kindred spirit in this vast galaxy where it seemed that everyone was against him. 

He felt the truth of their connection then, pulling him in a certain direction. It felt like a string attached to his ribcage trying to pry his chest open by force. Numbers came into his mind, coordinates to an unknown planet somewhere far away. A perfect hiding spot. 

The Force was on his side for once. 

___

His ship landed on a desert planet. Jakku, the ship's routing system provided a name to the wasteland sprawling all around him. 

He found emergency Jedi robes in a trunk at the back of the ship and a brown poncho. Thankfully it fit him well enough, a little tight on the chest area and a little short around the ankles but it'd make do for now. 

The sun was unforgiving when he stepped outside the refrigerated interior of his ship. He'd never been to a desert planet before and felt completely unprepared for the unbearable heat that was already making his skin perspire. But he wasn't there only to suffer the relentless violence of the sun and sand flying into his eyes; the pull in his chest had brought him there and he had every intention of finding the lost girl who'd appeared in his dreams. 

She was here, that much he could feel. 

He made sure to conceal his lightsaber under the poncho's fabric, a weapon like that was well-known across the galaxy and the last thing he needed was unwanted attention from the bad sorts that seemed to mingle at the outpost. 

Walking on sand dunes was like walking on a slippery slope, he lost his footing more than once and felt the back of his head burn while he made his way across the unforgivable desert wasteland to where the girl's Force signature called to him. It burned even brighter than the sun and it was the only thing keeping him from collapsing right then and there and allowing the elements to claim him. 

He arrived at what appeared to be a fallen AT-AT, corroded by time and the bitter weather of Jakku. If he wasn't a Force sensitive individual, he'd have walked past this ruin for it held no appeal to him, but since he was Force sensitive he could feel the gravitational pull moving his feet toward the ruin's interior. 

Before he could fully appreciate the relief of being outside the sun's glare, his foot stepped into a trap that set off an alarm. The buzzing sound startled him, which made him take a step back only to step into another trap; designed to twist an intruder's ankle. Pain erupted from his newly twisted limb, he cried out and bent his body to hold onto his injured foot. 

Then, to make matters worse, a masked individual came running in his direction with a staff and smacked him in the ribs with it. Repeatedly. 

"STOP!" He yelled, coughing and wheezing. "Stop, please." 

One of the staff's ends was pressed down onto his solar plexus. The individual snarled, one of their boots beside his head while the other rested over his injured ankle, threatening to step down if needed. 

"Who are you?" Came the voice, which sounded suspiciously like a feminine timbre trying to pass off as masculine. But he decided not to comment on it before making sure. 

"Ben," he answered, panting from pain. "I'm Ben." 

The staff pressed down harder, making him grip its length to try to release some of the pressure. 

"Who _are_ you?" 

Who was he? A deserter from the new school of Jedi? A killer? A dark sider? He had no idea, the only thing he knew was that this was without doubt the one he was looking for. And she apparently had no clue who _he_ was. 

"I'm not here to hurt you," he said, closing his eyes at a particularly bad pulse of pain coming from his ankle. "Please, you need to believe me." 

Her staff came to rest on his throat now, slowly putting pressure on his windpipe. He hadn't died by the hands of the legendary Luke Skywalker but he'd die by the hands of this desert rat. It was just his luck to have that ending too. 

"You don't survive Jakku by trusting strangers." Came her clipped response. 

Ben let his head drop to the AT-AT's rusted floor. He reached out with the Force and felt aggression rolling out in waves from his companion, but underlining all that he could feel the distinct slimy quality that fear carries with it. 

And only then he realized how scary it must have been to have someone that looked like him invading her safe space. He knew of his size, had been told on countless occasions that he looked intimidating; and he also knew that his features weren't harmoniously pretty and welcoming like he wished they were, which might be jarring to her as well. 

"I'm sorry," he said, letting go of her staff. "I didn't mean to scare you." 

He knew he had to show her who he was. No amount of words could explain what had brought him there without making him sound completely insane. Gently, he pushed a couple of memories into her head, mainly the ones he'd seen in his dreams. Ben could tell the moment she saw them, she stilled over him and her grip on the staff loosened for half a second. Then, as if regaining consciousness, she snarled. 

Her staff hit the side of his head with so much force he got knocked out. 

___

Slowly, he came back to his senses. His mouth was dry like the desert outside and he was confident that he'd need a pile of pain-numbing pills to lessen the ache in his skull. 

When he tried to move, he realized both his wrists and legs were tied together by a strong rope. Ben could use the Force to aid him whenever he wanted, but he also felt like he needed to conquer the girl's trust instead of coercing her to obey his commands with the help of the Force. Plus, he doubted her mind would be weak enough for Force commands to work on her. 

He doubted anything about her was weak. 

She must have heard him trying to move, because her voice rang through the small room a second later. "I have questions and you better have some answers." 

Ben noticed she wasn't trying to hide her gender anymore, her voice sounded clear and feminine and her face was bare to his appraisal. She'd pushed down some of the fabric that had previously hidden her jaw and gotten rid of the goggles that'd covered her hazel eyes. She looked young, too young to be living alone on a backwater desert planet. 

He licked his dry lips. "Ask away." 

Her responding humph told him she disapproved of his casual tone, she probably wanted him afraid. But he'd let her guide the direction of the conversation, even if he had the ability to free himself at any given moment. He wanted her trust. 

"Did you show me those scenes?" She didn't need to specify what she was talking about for him to understand what she meant. 

He nodded. 

"How did you do that?" Her staff made a reappearance, she tucked one of its ends under his chin. "And don't lie." 

Ben sighed. Explaining the Force could be hard...even to individuals who knew they were Force sensitive. He had a suspicion that this girl had no idea of her own abilities, though she probably intuitively used the Force every now and again. Every Force sensitive individual did. 

"I can show you…" he began, but she didn't let him finish. Her staff cut off his air flow, she pressed down on his windpipe without hesitation. 

"No more tricks," she snapped. 

When she lessened the pressure on his throat he gulped in lungfuls of air. This girl was testing his patience, but something told him it would be worth it...when she trusted him then...then they would not be alone anymore. Both of them. 

"Alright," he said, voice raspy from his vocal chords being abused. "I'll tell you the long version of the story then." 

She crouched before him, coming to his eye level. "Go on." 

"There's something called the Force," he began, adjusting himself where he was laying on the floor. "It's all around us, in every living thing; on every rock or grain of sand." 

At her silence, he felt encouraged to keep going. 

"Some of us can sense this Force, channel it too. Every individual with Force sensitivity has a mark, and yours was like a beacon to me. I saw you in dreams before, calling for me to come back but you never told me where." Her eyes widened at this, grip tightening around her staff. "I felt your loneliness, and I thought...you wanted me here."

"I don't know you," she retorted in a clipped tone. 

"My understanding was that you could see me too, that maybe you'd recognize me...but I was wrong, and I apologize for frightening you." 

She bared her teeth. "I'm not scared." 

"The scenes you saw were my memories of those dreams I saw you in. I pushed them into your mind because I thought it'd be easier than to explain all this," he said, finishing his train of thought. "I can feel your disbelief." 

"You appear out of nowhere and start spouting nonsense," she said with an eye roll. "Of course I don't believe it."

Ben tried to push himself into a sitting position. "I can show you." 

"I want you to leave." Her staff touched the center of his chest. 

"You know I speak the truth," he tried, pushing his luck. "You've probably used the Force all your life without realizing it." 

"I think you might be mad," she replied. 

"Just close your eyes and focus on my presence here." 

The girl snarled, pulling back. "Why are you so insistent? What am I to you?" 

Ben felt like the floor under him had opened and he was falling. He didn't exactly have an answer to those questions, but he knew that this girl, whoever she was, felt like an old friend. She felt like the feeling of being lost for so long and finally being found. 

He couldn't go back to being lost now. 

"All my life I've felt like it was me against the world." She narrowed her eyes, but let him keep talking. Ben took a big breath in, readying himself for backlash at his next words. "Now, even tied down and antagonized, I feel like I finally found an ally." 

She shook her head. "You really are mad." 

"Trust me on this and close your eyes," he pleaded, wanting to make her see what he saw. 

The girl looked at him with suspicion for a moment. "If you try anything funny…" 

"I know, you'll knock me out again." 

"I'll bury your body in the sand," she corrected. 

Ben nodded, gulping. "Noted." 

She closed her eyes, staff resting over her legs on the floor while she sat before him on a meditative pose. He didn't think she was even aware of it, but he found it fascinating nonetheless. 

"Breathe in and out," he said, guiding her through the meditation. "Feel the space around you, let your thoughts trickle away."

Her chest evened out, breathing slow and controlled. 

"Now try to see me with your eyes closed." 

He watched as her serene features contorted for a second, then her eyes shot open. "You feel like the air before a sandstorm." 

Ben's mouth formed a small smile. "Do you believe me now?" 

"I don't understand how any of this works," she said, eyes staring at him with curiosity. "But I want to know." 

"You need a teacher," Ben pointed out. "I can help you." 

She was still holding a bit of mistrust when she said. "I'll still bash your kneecaps if you betray me." 

At this, he chuckled. "I don't expect any less." 

The girl grabbed a sharp tool and cut the rope tying him down, she was still wary of him though. She went and sat in the makeshift bed and stared at Ben while he rubbed his wrists and stretched out his sore muscles. 

"You don't hold back your punches," he commented, feeling the raised bump on his head where she'd hit him with the staff to knock him out. "That's a good survival instinct."

"You're still breathing," she replied, making light of the beating she'd given him. "I'd say I held back a lot of punches." 

Ben looked up, smirking. "Feral." 

"If it keeps me alive, then yes I am." 

"What's your name?" He prodded. "I told you I'm Ben. Ben Solo." 

She stared at him for a moment, chewing on the inside of her cheek. Pondering over giving out her name or not. He watched the emotions play out on her face like she was an open book: doubt, suspicion, hope.

"I'm Rey," she answered at last. "Just Rey." 

Ben smiled, extending his hand out for a handshake. "Nice to meet you." 

She shook his hand and he couldn't push away the thought that meeting each other felt _right_. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> upped the chapter count and changed the rating!! surprise lol

Now that they were unconventional allies Ben could receive the treatment he needed for his sprained ankle. Rey reset her traps and the alarm then ushered him to lie down on the makeshift bed pushed into one corner of the room. 

"Sorry about this," she said, pointing down at his swollen ankle. "You'll need to see a healer." 

Ben, who had learned how to use the Force to minimize the severity of certain wounds or injury, waved the girl's worries away. For now he could take care of the sprain himself. "I need something to immobilize my foot." 

She scrambled to one corner of the dingy room where a pile of scrap sat. He watched her scavenge for two pieces of plastoid and unfold her armwraps to offer as fabric for the makeshift ankle splint. 

"Thank you," he said slowly as she handed him the items. Ben also tried not to stare at her arms and the scars in them. 

"You can ask." 

He cleared his throat, looking away. "What happened?" 

The marks on her arms are ugly, scarred over and connecting in a hundred small lines that resembled a lot the lines carved into one of the AT-AT's walls. 

"I used to mark the passing days on my arms before finding this piece of junk to live in," she answered in a clear voice, not worrying about the shock her words caused on him. 

"I'm sorry." He was not even sure what for. 

"Well," she began, getting back on her feet once more. "I need to go now, but I'll be back later." 

"Where are you going?" Worry laced his tone, he didn't want to let her out of his sight now that he'd found her. He knew she'd managed to survive alone in this almost inhospitable planet before he got there, but that didn't mean she'd have to keep facing hardships. 

They could get on his ship and find another planet, a nicer one. With lots of green and water. He could go back to Naboo and work on a farm while she went to school, he could teach her to use the Force and they could visit Illum for her kyber crystal. There were so many things they could do. Jakku would stay in the past, where it deserved to be. But he was aware that he couldn't try to uproot her from this planet so soon, if he even mentioned it now there was a big chance she'd revert to seeing him as the enemy. 

"I need to scavenge for parts," she explained, "it's how I get rations and water, by trading one for the other with the junk boss at Niima Outpost." 

"Isn't it dangerous?" 

She shrugged, grabbing a net from the junk pile sitting on the corner of the room. Probably pieces the junk boss didn't want or Rey had kept with the intent to craft more traps to keep intruders away. He saw a speeder outside, maybe she tinkered with its engine too. 

"Yes, but I've been doing this for a while." 

Ben half seated, half lied in bed. "I can go with you." 

That made her roll her eyes. "You'd only slow me down." 

"I wouldn't," he protested. 

"Just stay here," she snapped. "And don't touch anything." 

He watched her leave with a heavy heart, it felt wrong that this kid had to fight for her survival like this. She should be in a classroom, he should be the one going out to look for a way to put food on their bellies. He'd barely entered her life but he already felt responsible for the girl. 

While she was gone, he used the time to sulk and ponder about his life and how disastrously it had gone awry. His thoughts went to his mother and father, what they'd think about all this...would they hate him? If he'd killed his uncle, he wasn't sure what his mother's reaction would be. He reached out with the Force but didn't feel his uncle's Force signature anywhere, which worried him. 

And his mother was a beacon of light, though shining softly at a distance. It pained him to think that she'd be tainted by his darkness when news reached her. 

He pulled a veil over his Force signature, best to keep hidden for now. Which reminded him of the tracking device his ship had, how could he have forgotten? He needed to tell Rey, maybe there were already people sent after him. 

The sun outside made the interior of the AT-AT feel stuffy and unpleasantly hot. Some of the light trickled in through the transparisteel window that used to be the walker's previous viewport. Looking around him, it was really impressive how the girl had managed to convert this previous weapon into a home. 

His eyes landed on that wall. The one with the same tally marks that branded her arms. He wondered what they meant and why she'd done them, he knew there it was more than just keeping track of the days. There was something behind it, an underlying motive that drove her to make those marks. 

He'd felt her loneliness. Her sadness. Ben knew how abandonment felt like, he knew she hurt in a similar way that he did. It's how and why he'd come for her, knowing they'd be kindred souls that could maybe fill a little bit of that void in each other. 

And in his idleness, he also took care to ignore the darkness that prowled from the shadows looking for a way in. He'd need to be extra careful now that he'd already allowed the dark in once. 

By the time she came back, Ben was bored out of his mind and the pain on his ankle threatened to drive him insane, the sun was almost gone and he was encapsulated by darkness since there was no energy to turn the lights on. 

"Brought food," she said. 

Rey re-hydrated the veg-meat and poured some of the water from a jug into two ceramic cups. He took one bite of the ration and almost spit it out. How could she eat this every day? 

"I can see on your face that you hate it," she commented with a small chuckle. "You'll get used to it." 

He put his food down. "I don't think I can." 

"You're being dramatic." She rolled her eyes. "This is supposed to keep me alive and not taste good." 

Ben wanted to take her to Naboo and have her try all the local dishes, have her try every sweet and baked good they could find at Theed's local market; prove her how wrong her statement was. 

"Remind me to give you proper food one day." 

"Just finish your veg-meat, it cost me a day's worth of scavenging."

He pushed another piece into his mouth, shuddering at the taste. 

___

"Rey, I need a favor." 

She looked up from where she had been tinkering with a piece of loose wire. "Yes?" 

"My ship has a tracking device on it. I need you to uninstall it. Can you do that?" 

Her smirk was enough of an answer, but she felt the need to speak anyway. "I can do anything."

___

It took a couple of weeks for his ankle to heal, but once he did he couldn't contain his excitement at the prospect of leaving. 

The only problem was Rey. She had been unwavering in her decision to stay in Jakku. 

"There's nothing for you here," he said, trying to make her see sense.

"You wouldn't understand." 

"I'm trying to, but I can't make out what's on your mind." Actually, he could, but that would be an invasion of privacy and he was still battling to gain her trust. Rey was a creature hardened by the desert, she was loyal to him but still kept some secrets close to her heart. 

"You're free to go." 

"I'm not leaving you behind," he said, angry that she'd even suggest it. 

"Then learn to like Jakku." 

Ben sat back on the bed, sulking. "You're impossible." 

She didn't say anything, only turned on her heels and left to scavenge for the day. When she came back, there wasn't enough food for both of them which angered him since he knew that the junk boss was probably cheating her out of goods. 

"You can't keep living like this, Rey," he'd commented in a tired voice. It pained him to see her bony arms and hear the gurgling of her stomach so often it had become a familiar sound to him. He felt powerless watching her willingly waste herself away. 

With a mouthful of veg-meat, she said, "Watch me." 

___

One night when the desert had been particularly cold, Rey let him climb into bed with her. She buried her feet under his thigh, and sniffed in the darkness at his stinky scent. He hadn't taken a shower in weeks. But she wasn't anyone to talk, covered in dirt and smelling worse than bantha shit too.

"Do you know when you were born?" She asked suddenly, startling him from the edge of falling asleep. 

"I do." 

Another sniff. "My parents never told me when I was born." 

Ben frowned in the darkness. "Why not?" 

"They weren't very talkative," she said, "and they left me here when I was very young." 

"You were _left_ here?" Fury rose inside his chest, threatening to spill over. The darkness that he always kept at bay rejoiced in the burning sentiment that made him clench his jaw. 

"I don't know why they did it." 

"Is that why you count the days?" Ben asked, teeth gritted together with the effort of keeping his temper in check. But he wasn't mad at Rey, she didn't deserve taking the brunt of his anger. 

He was mad at the bastards that had brought Rey into this world only to abandon her on a planet like Jakku. If he ever found them...no, he shouldn't entertain these dark thoughts. Though it felt good, maybe too good, to imagine his lightsaber piercing their chests. 

"Yes," she answered, pulling him back from his violent thoughts. "I know it's silly, but I think they might come back for me." 

"It's not silly." 

She sniffed again, and it was only then he realized she was crying. Ben didn't know how to react, so he rested one hand on the top of her head and ran his fingers through her hair in soothing circles just like his mother used to do with him when he was a child and had a bad nightmare. 

"I feel so alone," she confessed, voice full of hurt. 

"You're not alone," he answered in a firm tone.

A small hand found his larger one resting in the space between their bodies and squeezed. "Neither are you." 

___

He'd started showing Rey the basics of the Force shortly after his arrival. She happened to be a very curious individual with a thirst for knowledge, which reminded him a lot of the kid he'd been once. 

"When can I get a lightsaber?" She asked one day while they shared their meal. Ben had started to help her with the scavenging, which earned them a little more every time they went to Plutt. It resulted in them being able to take some days off, days that were spent training and meditating in order to strengthen Rey's connection to the Force. 

"When you're ready," he answered patiently. She'd asked this before, a number of times, and his answer remained the same. As enthusiastic as she was, Rey was still not even close to being ready to handle a lightsaber. She was too impetuous, her temper quick to rise and slow to fall. 

"I am." 

He chuckled softly. "No, you're not." 

She stomped a foot on the AT-AT's floor. "You treat me like a child." 

"You are a child, Rey." 

Her spoon flew at his face, but he stopped its trajectory with the Force. It only made her angrier. 

"This," he said while pointing at the levitating utensil, "proves my point." 

She stood up abruptly, then stormed off. Ben finished eating his veg-meat unconcerned, then he followed her spiky Force signature to a sand dune close by. The sun was setting and from her standpoint she had a beautiful view of the sunset. 

"Don't be mad at me," he said, staring at the same sunset. 

She huffed. "Hard not to." 

"You can keep training with my lightsaber," he told her, resting one hand on the back of her head. "But it will be some time before you have your own." 

"I don't care." 

Ben left her to sulk, knowing she needed time to organize her thoughts and feelings. 

That night, he woke up to her fingers running idly through his hair. "I'm sorry," she whispered in the dark. 

"It's alright," he answered, then fell back asleep. Her fingers performing soft circles on his scalp evoked memories of his mother, and that night she appeared on his dream with tear stained cheeks. 

  
  
  
  



	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey (: 
> 
> i'll just keep updating the tags and upping the chapter count as i go because i clearly can't control myself and i'm having a way too good time writing this. 
> 
> thanks for reading 💕

Ben noticed very quickly that his young companion was a fast learner. It helped that her abilities were enhanced by the Force _and_ her own skills with a staff prior to him coming to the planet. 

He taught her what was still fresh in his mind, the lightsaber forms—all seven of them—the best technique for clearing one's mind, different schools of thought on meditation and its benefits to Force users. Ben had read a lot in his time at the Jedi Academy, being a loner not by choice but because other kids didn't want to be his friend. Though he never understood why, he also never forced his company on anyone. 

Until Rey. 

Sometimes he felt like an intruder in her quiet life. If he hadn't appeared she'd be just that scavenger girl forever, but now that he was in her life—he feared for what he'd unwillingly pulled her into. His family had a bit of a cursed history with the Force and he'd never forgive himself if something happened to her because of him.

So he tried his best to be as distant as possible whenever they weren't sharing the bed, back to back, or training together when they had free time. 

But she'd noticed. "Did I do something?"

He stopped polishing a piece of scrap metal they were planning to use for an upgrade on the speeder. "Why do you ask?" 

She shrugged one shoulder, her little braid sliding off of it. Ben had told her about padawan braids and she'd started wearing one along with her usual three buns. He'd cut his own when he started teaching her. But he didn't make her call him Master. Just Ben. 

"Because you barely speak to me anymore." 

He scoffed. "I'm speaking to you now." 

"You know I started the conversation," she added in a tone that brooked no argument. "Why are you avoiding me?" 

Ben pushed off his working station and walked further into the AT-AT, trying to put some distance between them. "I'm not, you're seeing things." 

"Ben you know I can use the Force to know if you're lying or not." Rey crossed her arms, tapping one foot on the floor. 

"I don't want to talk about it," he blurted, turning toward the exit and sidestepping her. "Leave me alone." 

She did, for the time being. 

___

He dreamed of a crimson red lightsaber pressed dangerously close to Rey's face—an older face, a couple of years from now. The figure looming over her wore a helmet, a crude imitation of Vader. 

Ben despised that dark figure immediately. 

_Don't you want power to fight that destiny, boy?_ A seductive voice wrapped in shadows whispered in his ear. 

"What destiny?" He spoke into the dreamscape. 

_Yours._ A close up of the mask, a lightning striking a building behind that ominous figure. _Take a closer look_. 

_"That happens when you're being hunted by a creature in a mask."_ Rey's familiar accented voice spoke, anger spilling into every word. 

Gloved hands came around the helmet and released it from the figure's face with an emphatic hissing sound. Ben expected to see a scarred man, the face of a monster. 

What he saw was his own reflection. 

Rey's gasp woke him up, chest soaked with sweat. He turned on the small bed they shared, soon it would be _too_ small for both of them—Rey was getting bigger and he would not be getting any smaller. Her eyes were wide open, she stared at him. 

"Ben?" She sounded scared, voice trembling in the darkness. 

He touched the crown of her head with his hand. "Bad dream, kid?" 

He felt her nodding, then heard her sniff. She always tried to be quiet when she cried, but he could always tell when the tears came. Ben sat up, pulling her into a hug. 

"Want to tell me about it?" He stroked her hair, full of knots and smelling like sweat and sand. Ben's was probably in a similar condition. 

"You'll be mad at me." 

His forehead furrowed. "I could never be mad at you." 

She wiped a tear-stained cheek with the back of her hand, sniffing into the material of his old Jedi tunic she had converted into a nightgown. 

"I dreamed that you went dark," she told him in a small voice. "Please, don't be mad at me." 

He hugged her again, thoughts whirling. Did they have the same dream? Could it be a Force vision or simply the dark side trying to plant doubt and fear in both their hearts? Suddenly, he felt the weight of his inexperience on his shoulders. What did he think he was doing training Rey in the ways of the Force? He barely knew what he was doing himself. 

"I'm not mad," he assured her, rubbing her back. "I'm afraid." 

She looked up, mouth hanging open in surprise. "I didn't think you could be afraid." 

He let go of her arms, allowing her to nestle under the ratty blanket once more. Ben hugged his legs, tucking his chin in the space left between his knees. "Everyone's afraid of something, Rey." 

"I'm afraid of you leaving me." 

He turned his head to look at her, smiling. "Don't be. I have nowhere else to go." 

"That's not as reassuring as you think it is." She gave him a playful slap on the back, making him chuckle. "It sounds like as soon as you have somewhere to go, you'll leave me behind." 

Ben adjusts himself on the bed, his knees pushing into her ribs at the cramped space. "I won't." 

"I can't wait for another person to come back," she whispered, so low he almost missed it. "You're my anchor now." 

He lay back in bed, kissing the top of her head. "I promise that I won't leave." 

They fell back asleep in the same position as always, back touching back and hugging nothing to their chests, but their fingers twitched in unison as if anxious to reach for each other. 

___

On the other side of the galaxy, Leia Organa worried about her son and her brother. 

News had reached her that an accident had happened in the Jedi Academy that her brother, her son and so many other Force sensitive kids had been in. There was no clue as to what happened, but she knew it was something dark by the way the dark side of the Force clung to the destroyed remains of her brother's sanctuary for kids. 

It had taken time for the news to travel the galaxy to her, and even more time for her to manage to take some weeks off to investigate the site of the Jedi Temple. The New Republic's investigative branch was working on unveiling the case, but they couldn't get very far with any leads or clues. 

She'd cried her fill already, for the children's burned bodies found in the rubble, for her own son who could very well be one of those indistinguishable bodies. Her brother who was also nowhere to be found. 

There were too many questions and no answers to satisfy her heavy heart. 

Telling Han had been like picking at an old wound. His face had shuttered into that serious expression he wore whenever he tried to control his emotions in public. It hurt her that their relationship had deteriorated so much that he no longer trusted her to show his feelings to. 

"I told you sending our boy to that temple wasn't a good idea," he'd mumbled, picking at something outside of the hologram's view. 

The wound reopened. "He was getting too unstable, Han." 

"Unstable? All the boy needed was attention to stop his temper tantrums!" He raised his voice, making Leia's eyes sting. 

"And where were you? Does only the mother need to give attention?" She hated when they fought about this. How neither of them wanted to take the blame for their son's temper tantrums, how they both knew the boy acted out for attention neither of them provided him with.

Han hung his head. "Do you...do you feel anything?" 

It was rare indeed the times Han asked for her to tap into the Force. He didn't understand how it worked nor liked to feel left out, so they rarely even acknowledged that she could feel the energy wrapped around everything. 

"I don't feel anything," she confessed. "Neither Luke nor Ben." 

He took a hagged breath in. 

"Han," Leia continued with a gentle voice. "It doesn't mean anything. They could be occulting their Force signature, maybe from the very thing that attacked the temple." 

"Let's hope." Came his response, voice full of poorly concealed emotion. 

She smiled. "It's what I do best." 

___

One day, Rey posed him a question that left him speechless. 

"Am I pretty?" 

He choked on his veg-meat, eyes bugging out of his head. She gently patted him on the back, looking concerned. 

"Where did that come from?" His voice was hoarse from choking. 

"I don't know." She looked away, hiding her blush. 

Ben pondered over her question, thinking on how to better answer it. Rey was only a child. Maybe thirteen or fourteen years to his twenty three. She had a lovely face, but he couldn't tell her that and risk her understanding something else from his words. 

"Is there even anyone in Jakku that caught your eye?" He tried to joke, the veg-meat going down his throat dry. "I don't see you having much time left for boys when you spend all your time scavenging or training with me." 

Her blush deepened. "You're right," she said, shaking her head. "It was stupid of me to ask." 

He gave her a pained smile, the last thing he wanted was for her to feel stupid or that her feelings didn't matter to him. "It wasn't stupid." She looked up, eyes full of hope. "Just unexpected." 

Rey gave him a weak smile, she'd clearly expected a different answer from him but he'd have to disappoint her in that aspect. No matter how much it troubled him to see her light diminished even if it's only for a millisecond. 

___

Luke Skywalker reached a solitary planet hidden in the Unknown Regions. 

Ahch-To. The birthplace of the Jedi Order, where he'd come to die and end the Jedi with him. 

He watched as his X-wing sunk to the bottom of the rocky shores around the Temple island. His heart heavy from the mistakes he'd made. 

The Force was quiet around him, even if it should be teeming with life. But he'd chosen peace and quiet on purpose. 

He took a fortifying breath, closed his eyes and felt the wind blowing his hair. The smell of the sea filling his nostrils. 

After opening his eyes and contemplating the beauty of this secret world, he realized he didn't mind at all the place he'd chosen to spend the rest of his life. He could definitely get used to the view. 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thoughts?


	4. Chapter 4

Ben watched his young companion go through her training routine with the staff from the shade offered by one of the AT-AT's fallen legs. 

Her skinny limbs had gained some definition from the couple of months of training, if she had a good and consistent diet he had no doubt Rey would be stronger than most kids back at the Jedi temple...she had a natural way with the Force, certainly born out of necessity since she'd spent so many years surviving on her own. 

He noticed a trio of men approaching their little abode, they didn't look dangerous but Rey had told him once that the key for survival on a planet as inhospitable as Jakku was to attack first and ask questions later. Ben stood up, hand going instinctively to the lightsaber strapped to his utility belt hidden under a poncho. 

Rey stopped swinging her staff too, watching the three men approach with a weary expression on her face. Reaching out with the Force, he could feel unease rolling off her in waves but nothing malicious coming from those men. Even so, he placed himself between Rey and them assuming a defensive position. 

"We come in peace," one of the men said, his face weathered by the sun and a scarf wrapped around his head and neck. "We are merchants, boy." 

Ben stiffened at the use of that word. He was a man of twenty three years,  _ not  _ a boy. Rey's hand closed around his wrist, as if urging him to back down. 

"What's your business here?" It was her that spoke. 

Another one of them, a slightly younger looking man with a thick beard, said, "We saw your ship at the Outpost, the locals told us it belongs to you." His eyes turned to Ben. 

"Yes," he answered, crossing his arms. "What of it?" 

The third one, and probably youngest of the three men by the lack of lines in his face, prompted, "We're interested in buying it from you." 

"It's not for sale." 

Rey's head snapped to him, brow furrowing. Ben silently urged her to stay out of this. 

"We can pay you in credits or food rations." The oldest man offered. 

"I already told you it's not for sale." 

"My boy," the bearded one spoke, "your ship is collecting dust and rotting away under the Jakku sun, we'd be doing you a favor taking it off your hands." 

Ben grabbed the staff off his companion's hand and twirled it around to point at the bearded man's face. Rey let out a small yelp of surprise, the men stared at the snarl on his face. He could feel tendrils of that darkness he consciously tried to keep at bay slowly encroaching on him. 

"I said it is  _ not  _ for sale." He gritted out, knuckles white around the staff. 

The man in the middle, the oldest one, lifted his hands in a peace sign and took a step back; his companions did the same. "We don't want any trouble." 

Rey stepped forward, her hand lowering the staff in Ben's hand but he didn't let go of it until the three men had walked out of sight and they were alone in their little corner of the Jakku desert once more. 

"What was that?" He met Rey's eyes and handed her the staff back. 

"I don't want to talk about it," he said, turning his back to her. 

She scoffed. "You don't want to talk about anything anymore." 

He gave her a tired look, running a hand down his face. "You wouldn't understand it." 

" _ Don't  _ pretend like I'm a clueless child," she snarled, her staff pointed at his face. 

"But you are." He saw the moment the words landed, her face crumbling before his very eyes. Ben regretted it instantly, but now that he'd started he couldn't stop his tongue from spewing every last bit of poison in her direction. "You've been holed up in this backwater planet for years, you don't know  _ anything  _ outside of this desert. You might be happy spending the rest of your life in this hell hole, but I'm not. Jakku is not the planet I want to die in." 

Tears pooled at the corner of her eyes. "So you were just planning to leave one day, then?" 

Ben brought his hands to his head, pulling on the strands and feeling the burn of pain at his roots. "No, not without you by my side." 

"I'm not leaving Jakku. Ever." 

He gave her an exasperated look. "You can't mean that. Rey, there's nothing left for you here." 

"They'll come back for me," she said, shaking her head. "I know they will." 

"You have to stop lying to yourself!" Ben bellowed, taking a step toward Rey at the same time she took a step back from him. 

The air between them was charged with dark energy, coiled and ready to strike...it was only the look of fear crossing her face that made Ben realize he was stepping out of line. His shoulders shook from the force of his frustration, wracking through his body like one of the deadly sandstorms that rolled over Jakku's sand dunes from time to time. 

"I'm sorry," he croaked out, voice hoarse with emotion. The look on Rey's face was like the look he'd seen in his parents faces whenever he exploded in a temper tantrum. It was fear mixed with worry and hurt. 

Rey's voice was stern when she said, "If you want to leave so bad. You're free to go." 

Before he could say anything else, she turned on her heels and disappeared inside the AT-AT. He was smarter than to go after her when she was so clearly not in the mood for talking. 

Once more, he proved his parents' fears right when he allowed his self control to slip out of his grasp so easily and dipped into the dark side by default. 

Maybe it wasn't a good idea to be around Rey anymore. He'd only corrupt her. 

___

Leia Organa couldn't believe there was an organization inspired by the old Empire aspiring to take over the galaxy like its predecessor. Actually, she could, since history seemed to repeat itself more often than she would've liked. 

For the time being, she didn't have enough brain power to deal with the disappearance of her brother and son  _ and  _ the uprising of this paramilitary organization. Either one or the other would take to the forefront of her mind and wiggle its way into every thought that crossed her head. 

The investigation on what happened at the Jedi temple found nothing of great interest at the site and put the case on hold until further notice, which Leia understood as:  _ we don't want to deal with this anymore _ . But she wouldn't give up, not as long as her family was nowhere to be found. Their Force signatures were like previously bright stars now winked out of existence, and the worst part was not knowing if they were even alive...though she suspected she would have felt their loss like a part of her own self being ripped away. 

But even with her grief and worry, she had to try and push these feelings aside for the time being. For now, she'd focus her energy on trying to solve this "First Order" business as diplomatically as she could. 

May the Force be on her side. 

___

Ben had to go into Niima Outpost to retrieve his ship from where it was certainly being ogled by travelers and scavengers alike. He flew the ship closer to where the AT-AT was, staying a little longer inside to avoid Rey's look of judgement. 

After a while, he realized how stupid it was to be afraid of a thirteen year old's reaction when he was a grown man. But he didn't like the look of hurt in her face or the way she was shutting herself off from the Force to avoid him poking around to get a better read on her emotions. 

He found her curled up on her side on the bed, eyes fixed on the wall she marked with tallies. 

"Do you think I'm pathetic?" 

He was surprised to hear her speaking to him. Ben furrowed his brow, taking another step into the room. 

"Why would you ask that?" 

She sat up, meeting his eyes. "Just answer me." 

"I don't," he said, taking the liberty to sit at the edge of the bed. "You're so strong, Rey." 

"You don't think they're coming back, do you?" Her voice became small, eyes lowered to the frayed blanket she'd been hugging to her chest. 

Ben wanted to take down the people who made her wait for them for so long. They didn't deserve the daughter they'd had. If he ever found them...he was afraid of his own response, of what he was capable of doing. 

"I think you've waited long enough." He took her hand and squeezed. A lonely tear left her eye, but before it could roll down her cheek Ben reached out with his thumb and wiped it away. "You're so much more than a girl waiting for her parents to come back." 

A sob erupted from her chest, she covered her face with her hands. "I'm nothing." 

He took her hands away from her face, looking into her eyes and squeezing her hands as he spoke, "Not to me." 

She looked down, a light blush coloring her cheeks. Ben pulled her into a hug, rubbing gentle circles on her back. 

"Ben," she said into his chest. He looked down, meeting her teary gaze. "I don't want to be here anymore." 

He smiled. "We have the entire galaxy to explore, kid." 

She nodded, pulling out of his embrace. "Let's go, then." 

___

On his island in Ahch-To, Luke Skywalker realized his lightsaber wasn't with him. But the thought didn't trouble him since he would never use that weapon again. 

_ It's probably in the rubble of Ben's hut.  _ A slice of pain went through his chest at that thought...at the greatness of his failure.  _ Let it rot there _ . 

But the Force acts in mysterious ways and that weapon would one day find its way back to him. Whether he liked it or not. 

  
  



	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a wild grey force user appears

Maz was known for collecting special artifacts. And no other artifact was perhaps as precious as the one she found in the rubble of Luke Skywalker's Jedi Temple. 

She'd heard of the tragedy that'd befallen that place, anyone who made it their business to be kept well informed about everything like she did would have heard about Luke's disappearance and the fate of his new Jedi Order. 

She'd gone to the site with the intention of finding something special for her collection, but never in a million light-years would she have imagined to find what she did. 

A low humming sound caught her attention and drew her like a moth to a flame, she followed the noise to a pile of wood and started moving things out of the way knowing that she'd find something underneath it. 

And there it was.

Maz looked at it, not believing her eyes. 

When she touched it, flashes of the things that weapon had seen played in her mind's eye. As if burned, she dropped the thing on the ground. 

She didn't want that thing anywhere near her, but something urged her to take the weapon in hand once more. A something she recognized as the Force's gentle nudge. 

Maz had learned not to ignore the Force and its mysterious ways long ago. 

She took the weapon again, this time no nightmarish flashbacks tormented her mind. Relief coursed through her veins. She didn't think she'd like to relive those moments, even if they weren't her own, the pain and anger impulsing the weapon's yielder actions were too raw and real, enough to scare her. Maz knew whose memories those were from, she shivered just thinking of the man's name…

"Why do you want me to take this?" Maz wondered, speaking to no one but herself as she turned from the rubble and went back to her ship. 

Of course there was no answer, but that didn't stop the pirate queen from bringing the weapon back to her castle in Takodana and keeping it locked away in a stark room for years. Out of sight and forgotten. 

Patiently waiting to be found. 

___

They'd packed what little they had of value and boarded the ship Ben had brought with him from Luke's Jedi Temple. It was a bit rusty from exposure to the sun and sand, but when Ben sat in the cockpit and turned on the controls for the ship's engines they came to life instantly, as if eager to leave that desert wasteland. 

Rey stood to the side, watching as Ben flipped on switches and worked over the control panel in the cockpit. He noticed her attention on his hands, then threw her a curious look punctuated by a raised brow. 

Her blush was strange, it made him wonder what ideas might be afloat in his young companion's mind, but he favored blissful ignorance instead of digging deeper for an answer that'd certainly tip their delicate dynamic off its axis. 

"Why don't you take a seat?" He gestured to the co-pilot's empty spot beside him. 

"I don't know how to pilot a ship," she answered, tugging at the end of her tunic nervously. "I would get in the way instead of helping." 

Ben tapped the empty seat with one hand, smiling. "You'll never learn if you don't try." 

She shrugged, then slipped into the offered seat as if she'd done it a million times before—as if she belonged there. And she did belong there, he noticed with a start. It was more than obvious that she belonged beside him, it felt too right and comfortable sharing his space with her. 

"What do I do?" Her eyes rove over the control panel, she looks positively intimidated by a couple of buttons and levers. It made him chuckle, knowing how fearless Rey is all the time it is refreshing to see her showing more of her vulnerable side to him. 

He thought back to when he'd first met her and the beating she gave him. That Rey wouldn't even dream about being in a ship with him, ready for some new adventure. Ben's eyes glance over her arms, covered by the wraps she'd never removed again after she'd taken them off that one time she used them to help him craft a makeshift brace for his sprained ankle. He knew what she hid underneath that fabric, evidence of her abandonment and the hope she'd held out for so many years that someone would come back for her. 

Well, Ben had come. And he hated seeing her wasting away on this planet that sucked the life out of everything. 

He took one of her hands, so small in his grasp, and guided it to a lever. "Pull this," he instructed. 

She looked at him, complete trust in her eyes as she pulled the lever. The engines gradually roared to life, they could feel its rumbling under their feet and all around them in the cockpit. 

"Ready?" 

Rey looked back at the fallen AT-AT, then met his eyes. She was confident when she said, "Ready." 

___

From the shadows of the fallen Galactic Empire, something equally as dark and menacing had been brewing. In the corners of the galaxy untouched by the New Republic, where cells of the old regime still lived unchecked and unbothered by authorities who deemed them "too small to concern themselves with", "nothing but pesky background noise". 

They grew and expanded under the New Republic's nose, their populist agenda taking root in the minds of marginalized corners of the galaxy that had been pushed to the side and forgotten by the larger forces in the galaxy for too long. 

That background noise soon echoed in the minds of thousands of people, and then it became thunderously clear that it couldn't be ignored any longer. 

___

Rey knew somewhere in the deep recesses of her mind that green was a color and trees were living organic matter, but she had never seen such things—or at least she didn't remember if she had. 

But now, flying over the greenlands of this unknown planet she realized just how much green there could be in the galaxy. 

"This is Batuu." Ben's gentle, scholarly tone made an appearance. She glanced at him with the corner of her eye, watching as he watched her reaction to the scenery unfolding before her eyes. "These big rocks you see, Batuuans call them 'spires', they're petrified trees. Can you imagine a tree that big?" 

She studied one of the spires, trying to wrap her head around that little piece of information. "No, I can't imagine it. But I guess proof is just before my eyes," she answered. 

He chuckled. "Let's get a closer look." 

Ben maneuvered the ship impossible close to one of the spires, so close she thought he was going to collide with it, but the ship merely grazed by the mountainous petrified trees without a nick inflicted to the exterior of the ship. Rey's heart beat faster at the scare, but she appreciated the closer view of those curious spires. 

"I love green," she commented, looking at the trees sprouting from the lush ground. "I think it's my favorite color." 

"I like blue," Ben added. "It's a comforting color." 

Rey turned to him, getting comfortable on her co-pilot seat. She hadn't done much piloting in their flight, just watched him more than anything else and tried to learn from observation—though she constantly got distracted by her own thoughts more often than she'd like. 

"I'd like to see it too," she told him. "Blue." 

He smiled. "Don't worry, I have a special place in mind to show you that color." 

She cocked her head to the side, studying the way his eyes seemed to glint brighter at whatever thought came to his mind. "Where?" 

"It's a surprise." 

Rey rolled her eyes, huffing in annoyance. "Fine, keep your secrets then." 

His laughter filled her chest with warmth, making her momentarily forget about all the fears and doubts she always carried with her. 

Ben guided their ship to a docking bay, he turned off the ship's engines and told her to stay close to him. When they left their ship, Rey took his arm and clung to it like it was her lifeline. 

"This is Black Spike Outpost," Ben told her, bringing her closer to his side. "It's not the best place in the galaxy, but we'll find food here." 

Rey looked up at him, furrowing her brow. "How will you pay for it?" 

He touched the tip of her nose, a gesture that annoyed her more than anything else because it reminded her that he would always see her as a little kid he should protect. "Don't worry about it," he said, turning his attention back to the path they were traversing. 

"But I do worry." 

"I'll take care of everything. Trust me." 

She'd like to press him for more information. What are his plans and where are they going now that they've left Jakku? Did they exchange one backwater planet for another? But Ben shushed her by steering her into a seedy looking building; inside there were tables and a bar with lots of different life forms mingling about. She'd never seen that much diversity before. 

"Let's find somewhere to sit." Ben guided her to a corner booth table, partly obscured by shadows. She obediently sat down only because her stomach was rumbling and this place would probably serve some sort of food. 

As if reading her mind, Ben took the seat across from her and waved down a passing server to take their order. Rey cocked one eyebrow, she wondered if Ben had brought credits with him when he arrived all those months ago in Jakku, but she decided to trust him and his judgment like he asked her to. When the server asked her what she'd like to eat, pointing at some options on the menu he'd offered them both, she happily asked for three different meals eager to get her first taste of real food. 

When the server left, collecting the menus from their hands, Ben offered her a smirk. "Hungry?" 

"Starving," she answered. 

He hummed in agreement, tapping his fingers on the table. "What do you think of your first experience outside of Jakku so far?" 

"I like that there's no sand." 

Ben chuckled. "What else?" 

Suddenly feeling shy, she tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear as she answered, "I like that I'm not alone." 

"It's going to be hard to get rid of me, kid." Rey looked up, seeing the truth behind his words painted in his soft brown eyes. Feeling it wrap around her body like a warm blanket on a cold desert night. 

"I also like that we're about to eat real food for once." 

Ben seemed to be taken aback. He ran a hand down the back of his neck, looking away for a brief second before meeting her eyes again. "Sometimes I forget you grew up in Jakku. Of course you wouldn't even remember if you ever tasted food that wasn't dehydrated rations." 

"When you speak like that you make it sound like a tragedy," she said trying for a light tone, disliking the way his face closed off. 

"It is." His tone was firm, serious. "Rey, you'll never want for nothing again. I promise." 

She felt hope bloom in her chest. Dangerous, unreliable hope that had brought her more pain than anything else in her life. But she couldn't stop the feeling from taking root around her heart. 

Before she could say anything, the server came back with their food and all thoughts of a smart reply evaded her mind then. Her focus was all on the food and the criminally delicious scent wafting off of the steaming hot plates. 

For some bizarre reason, Rey looked up at Ben as if looking for permission to dig into her food but he was already shoving forkfuls of his own meal inside his mouth. Shaking her head, she picked up the fork and grabbed her first bite of _real food_. 

It practically melted in her mouth, completely different from the stiff, mostly tasteless veg-meat that composed all her meals in Jakku. This was a mix of eggs and some type of meat, seasoned with local spices that just added an extra layer of deliciousness to the food. She might have audibly expressed her pleasure more than once throughout their shared meal. 

Ben finished his food first, but she had still two more plates to go through and he patiently sat back and watched her eat with barely disguised amusement in his face. He was clearly enjoying watching her make a fool of herself, but she was too engrossed by the meal to care. 

By the time she was done, Rey felt like her stomach had expanded three times in size to accommodate all the food she'd just shoved into her body. She couldn't stop a little burp from escaping her mouth, which pulled a hearty chuckle from Ben in response. 

"That good?" His eyes shone with glee, she thought to herself that it made him look younger. 

"You have no idea." 

He smiled, then stood up waving a hand at her to sit back down when she started to get up as well. "Wait for me here, I'll settle the bill with the server." 

"Do you have credits?" Rey asked, worry invading her mind for a split second and making her spit out that question. 

Another smile, smaller in size and lacking any real warmth. "Don't worry about it. Wait here," he said, then moved away. She watched his broad back as he strode toward the paying counter, noticed how people seemed to open space for him to walk through. 

He was very tall and his face could be unfriendly, she knew that. But her eyes were trained to see Ben as her friend now, she couldn't see the intimidating man that these folks were probably seeing. She remembered what her first impressions of him had been though, how scared she'd been that he had come for some nefarious purpose...how big he looked, how harsh the angles of his face were making him look mean and dangerous even unconscious. 

Slowly she'd gotten used to his size and his face, odd but familiar in a way that made her chest tighten. More than once she'd caught herself studying his features, or some other body part like his hands or his ears...they all looked incredibly interesting to her, like some secret mystery she was itching to unravel. 

Ben reached the paying counter and started talking with their server, the man looked annoyed for one second but...she felt a slight shift in the Force, like someone had just brushed a chilly finger down her spine, then she noticed Ben's hand moving and the look on the server's face glazed over for a quick second before returning to normal. The smile he gave was big and empty. 

Rey could only stare. 

When he returned, she tried her best not to question him in front of the entire room. She could feel eyes on them, curious and weary. They exited the building, being met by the planet's temperate weather as soon as they walked a couple of meters away. 

Unable to hold it in much longer, Rey snapped her head to him and said, "You used the Force." 

He didn't confirm nor deny her statement. Which she took as answer enough. "You told me we shouldn't use the Force on other sentient life forms. Not in the way I suspect you just did," she accused. 

She felt his fingers gently wrapping around her arm, he pulled her to the side of the path they were walking, successfully occulting them from prying eyes or ears. "Rey, we need to survive somehow until I find a way to get credits." 

"So we're stealing now?" She felt sick just thinking about it. All her life she'd avoided thieves and thugs in Jakku, they were the worst type of scum and now she had become one of them. 

"It's not stealing," he said in a defensive tone, "it's surviving." 

"I don't like this, Ben." 

He nodded, putting both hands on her shoulders and squeezing. "I don't like it either, but I don't have any credits on me right now. There's no other way for us to keep going if we don't leave aside our morals for one second and rely on the Force for help." 

She shook his hands off her shoulders. This version of Ben was not the same one who had given her lessons on the ways of the Force all those months ago when she first learned what all that meant...even his Force signature was tainted by a smudge of darkness. It felt wrong. 

"Promise me we won't abuse it." 

"I promise," he said hastily. 

Rey looked down at her hands, at what she could do with them...the power she could invoke if she was inclined to do so. But it was wrong. It _felt_ wrong. She understood him though, truly she did. 

She just didn't agree with his actions. Even if they benefited her too. But he'd promised they wouldn't abuse it, and he'd told her to trust him; that he would take care of everything. 

"All right," she sighed. "I trust you." 

"Thank you." He turned his head to the path they'd just been walking on. "Let's go, I want to refuel the ship's tank so we can go to our next location." 

That caught her attention. "I thought we were staying on Batuu?" 

Ben shook his head, a secret smile pulling his lips up. "No, this was just a very needed stop for fuel and food. I could hear your belly rumbling over the ship's humming engines." 

"No you couldn't." 

He grinned. "Come on, you can take a nap on the ship's crew quarters while I go after some fuel." 

Rey sidled up next to him, trying to match his long strides with her smaller legs. "Where are you taking me next?" 

His hand landed on the top of her head, messing her hair. She really didn't like when he did that. "It's a surprise." 

She sighed. "Just tell me." 

Ben never answered her, instead he started humming and kept dodging her questions when she made them. After some time, she gave up on extracting any type of information from him. She'd come to learn that once Ben Solo put something in his mind it was very hard to get it out of there. 

So she'd just have to wait and see what the future held. She wasn't worried though, as long as Ben was by her side everything would be all right. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry about the late update, writer's block hit me in the face like a brick and then classes returned which might slow down future updates from now on, but i promise this fic will have an ending (and romance in due time)

**Author's Note:**

> prompt: 
> 
> During his last year at Luke's academy Ben has dreams of a scrawny girl who asks him to come back but when Ben asks her "back where?" the dreams always end. There are cues in the dreams and as the girl becomes more desperate he puts together a list of places she's likely to be. The night Luke stands over him with a lightsaber Ben decides to finally go and find her, ignoring Snoke's voice and his insistence that he comes to him. Eventually, he ends up on Jakku and there she is. When he tells her he came for her, she attacks him with a staff and Ben realises she has no idea who he is. After so many years looking for her Ben is at a loss of what to do. Then, he notices a familiar ship in the junkyard.


End file.
